Guide: This will help your children deal with the difficulties brought by the corona and get back to routine

After a year and a half of studying most of the time through the zoom, holidays and Hanukkah in the middle, the children of Israel are experiencing a routine for the first time in a long time and along with the excitement, many anxieties also arose among the children and their parents. The closures, social distance and lack of routine caused many children social and educational difficulties, self-image problems, laziness and lack of motivation.

Many parents are worried that their children are still having difficulty returning to school and are standing helpless in front of the children who have changed before their eyes. So how will you know to diagnose if your child is having difficulty and how can you help him? Roi Gur, a personal trainer for children and youth, has prepared a guide for you that will help you and your child return to a full and blessed routine and overcome the difficulties that the corona has brought with it.

laziness

The barrier of laziness is a universal and common value for many of us and can be manifested at different frequencies. It is not difficult to identify laziness and it can manifest itself in various forms. First, it is important that we use the correct terminology and differentiate between "My son is lazy" And "In some situations my son chooses to be lazy". Because if my son is lazy when it comes to doing homework, but when he goes to a judo class he is persistent and invested – he probably has the choice of where to be lazy.

This is how we will deal with:

  • Clarification conversation – we will invite our child to a conversation and find out in front of him in a conversation full of compassion and curiosity why in certain situations he chooses to be lazy. Let us note that we do not come with demands or from a judgmental place and we will try to bring about an understanding and empathetic discourse. ("I’m sure it’s not easy", "I understand that learning can be less interesting than practicing"). We will see in the eyes of our child what the importance of learning is and we will leave the decision in his hands. He was told we trusted him to do the right thing for him.

  • Memory of success – We will ask our child to look at some point in the past where he remembers that he managed to overcome laziness. The child’s memory of success will help him understand that he has the ability to overcome the difficulty.

  • "Educate a boy p"P. through it"- We will open a conversation with our child and ask him how he thinks it is easiest for him to learn that he will hear from his mouth that there are other creative ways to learn and even ways that he will enjoy.

  • We will offer the child to use the way that suits him best – learning through listening / reading / playing / learning in groups, etc.

  • Diary – Together with our child we will use a personal diary that he will keep (recommended on the mobile phone with a reminder) to make an agenda for us where we will learn and keep track of the diary as a kind of central goal exercise that we set for ourselves. Even if things do not go smoothly at first, do not despair. You will come to know that eventually with the right discourse, things will permeate and change will come.

Social difficulties

There are three main stages in a child’s development:

The unconscious stage (0-6) – This is the stage where the child behaves in freedom of action and is unaware of the way he is perceived by the environment, which causes him to act. In a way that he is unaware of the way he is perceived a"The environment – which causes it to act intuitively without external disturbances.

The conscious stage (6-12) – the child begins to be aware of"External noises" Which may cause him to engage in comparisons, undermine himself and even shake up his inner world.

Mask stage (+12) – This is the stage where out of the survival mechanism the child puts on a mask in order to disengage from the situation.

If you have identified one of the last two steps in your children, here are some helpful tips from the world of personal training and NLP that can help you identify and solve problems:

  • Discussion – First we will invite our child for a conversation, we will ask him to share the social difficulty he is facing. We will make sure to be patient, full of compassion and understanding and ask the child if it is okay for him to talk.

  • According to the NLP approach we have a number of key assumptions that will help our child see reality in a broader perspective. The basic assumptions are intended for you, the parents. Allow yourself to make the basic assumptions accessible to your child in a language that is convenient for you:

A. "The map is not the area" – We experience a subjective experience from an objective reality, and it is important that we understand that our interpretation is not necessarily reality. We will ask our child questions that will help him understand in which cases he understood that he interpreted situations incorrectly or that even if someone thought differently from him, it is okay. "Do you remember a situation where your friend said something and at the end realized you misinterpreted it?" or "Do you remember a case where someone thought one way – you thought differently and realized it was okay".

B. "There is no failure but feedback to growth" – We do not fail, as long as we learn from the mistake and correct it next. "Tell me a case where you felt you failed, lost something and then instead of getting upset, offended by it – you learned from it next time and got better".

third. "The meaning of communication is in the response one receives" – We have the ability to control the situation as long as the words are used correctly. We will explain to our children how to talk about how we feel in front of people who are important to us to communicate with. We will make sure to speak in the first person and explain how we feel about the situation, without making accusations.

One of the things that makes the event easier and smaller is the humor. Once we bring humor to the situation we strengthen ourselves in it.

Non-rejection of gratifications:

In the instant age, where everything is here and now and external stimuli are quick and immediate, there is great difficulty in staffing a skill of patience and the barrier of non-rejection of gratifications can be expressed in a more tangible way.

This is how we will deal with:

• Brightness conversation – clean eye-level conversation with our child. We will explain to him where the non-rejection of gratifications meets us and why we insist on addressing the issue.

• Pleasure for action – through cooperation. In every situation people think they have 2 options – yes or no. We will use the third option – maybe and when. For example, instead of telling the child to take out the garbage now, I will ask him when you prefer to take out the garbage – before you start a game or after.

nerves:

The daily routine, the intensity and lack of knowledge that characterizes the current period can make us impatient and lead to nervous behavior. Because our children do not have the tools to deal with a change of routine and a different reality and therefore either they shut themselves up and keep their stomachs or they "Exploding".
This is how we will deal with:

• Acceptance of the situation – an inner hug. For starters we will embrace the dragon that lies under our bed and instead of ignoring and resisting anger we will adopt it and say to the child – you are angry, it’s okay and you are allowed.

• Finding the place where the anger is – I will ask my child to look for the place in the body where the nerves are (head, stomach) and we will literally touch the place and let it be. We will take between 3-5 deep breaths and release.

• I’m angry but I’m not angry – we’ll talk to the child and make a distinction between ‘I’m nervous’ and ‘there are moments when I get upset’. Once we use the right term it will be easier for us to detach ourselves from emotion.

• Interpretation- (p"P. Efrat model) I will check with my child what caused the anger to rise. We will understand what the event was (for example, I had a hard time in class), explain what interpretation the event led to (I am not worth it, I am not smart enough) Emotion – what emotion came as a result of interpretation (sadness, anger) and reaction – what reaction came following the moment (breaking tools ). We will ask our child to be his own advocate and check if there is a different interpretation of the situation. For example, I had a hard time because I was not skilled enough.

Roi Gur. Photo: Shani Lazarovich
Photo: freepik

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